Chills, Chaste and Charades - love as we now know it

Disclaimer: All the characters in this article are fictional to a convenient degree. Any resemblance to any person living or dead is slightly coincidental.

The winters and its accessories

Sleeveless jackets, confused shivers and increasing cups of teas and coffee all are perfect needles that point toward the winter’s setting in. Interestingly, winter is a season where most love stories thrive or perish. I wrote a year back about the one side of love, almost in the same season. That was perhaps the setting in of many things in my life, yes of course, including the winters. This time, it is the termination of the very things that started then. We know human nature is complex. Our mind works in a complex manner, our actions guided by love for our own self, disguised in various reasons or excuses. I know there are many books written around pure love, break ups, infidelity, heart breaks and even on resulting deaths. Perhaps, the high number of such books are indicative of how frequent are these occurring.

The Cliché

I have a friend named Aarti. She is a lady of sound economic sense, probably a virtue rooted in her middle class upbringing. She is rationally religious; however, a little rigid on what defines ethical way of life, not given to any activity considered sin in middle age India. Unfortunately, last winter, she met with an accident. Fatal as it is, some puritans call it love.

She is that traditional lover you probably find only in the classic love stories. ‘All for one boy’ and dedicates her all to him, despite being conservative. She is sweet and almost an angel to her partner, showering her unconditional, unequivocal love daily with indefatigable vigour.

For one year, the love never dipped, in fact increased exponentially beyond her own expectations. Her feelings of love remained the same, however, the methods improved. From expressing love through daily messages on phone to emails of love and then to the hand written, calligraphic letters, she made moments special for him. Her methods became novel to an extent, where she wrote in Hindi a letter for her boy-friend (long after the Hindi classes become just a reminiscence in our lives).  His birthday became more important than hers, his happiness became reasons to smile, his phone call became the most valued asset , his family became hers and his priorities took special place in her heart. She never let any stone unturned. She was a girl who tried to live in limited means, but always tried to optimize those limited means to make him feel loved. When it was his 28^th birthday, she celebrated a week in advance, doing things she could never do before – preparing a dish daily for her beloved, writing a letter daily and waking up early to be the first to wish. She never knew how to bake a cake, but the birthday saw a hand made cake, full of sweetness of love, melting in the chocolate of dedication. It was a chocolate cake, she made on the base of biscuits and ornamented it as well as she could plan with tablets of gems to write the initials of his name on the cake. Though, he left it unfinished, she felt that his kiss was a reward for her, his smile was reason for her to plan the next birthday, though that birthday was never to come. She slept just two hours that day, so that he felt special, and he surely showed he did. However, her own birthday was not the same. She expected love, care and some promises. They never came. In fact, many of her hopes shattered, and realizations dawned. In all fairness, he was a good man, appeared genuine and truthful. She had considered him her God. He promised nothing, but just that he would love her always, daily and forever. However,  she did not know that the love can easily be substituted by lifestyle. He found a better girl, one who could satisfy his needs, could drive a Mercedes to his parents and party late night with the like ‘minted’ friends. She was helpless and could just not accept that her boy-friend never fought for her. When he met a girl , he “moved on” in a few days if not minutes (she would never know). How could have she accepted it! It was hard for her. But she loved him. She cried for hours at length, her friends were there for her, some rude, some consoling, some loving, while others abused him. All were honest though. She wished him well for life, though I do not think she will ever forgive him for what he did. It’s up to us to realize and note if ‘classic’ way of loving works anymore, or we should just be ‘no strings attached’. I wish I knew the answer to this. Surely, should I know , I will pen it down.

Meanwhile …

She left a note to him before she receded into the oblivion:

"My life, my oxygen, I am sure what you want from life is important for you. For so long I have lived in your heart , my breath synchronized with your heartbeats I have seen the world through your eyes, smelled the beauty that the world is through your senses. You made my life beautiful and special, something that I could not for you. Now I find myself homeless, driven away from your life. On bad days I had you to love me. On good ones, you were there to share the joy with. I cry as someone died. Look through my eyes, and someone actually did.  The most precious jewel I had was you – most serene , caring and an angel. I have been a fan of your ways, as your gf, lover or just as a friend. Your touch was enough to tell me that “all is ok”. Now I do not have the touch, hence I cry. I miss making you smile, miss your dumb jokes, miss your alluding to historical facts, miss your holding me tight, your heart, your lips , your smell. I kiss my own hands and weep for hours, because I do not have yours. Hence, I cry. My anger was checked by you and how dare I shout at you , pain you. I cry so much because so much is left undone. Everytime I see people holding hands, taking a walk, kissing, making love, I only think of one thing – your eyes. The winters was where it all started. How won’t the fog, delays in going back to home, warmth, roses on 31^st December, not remind me of how more beautiful could we be. It started with your tears, might well end with mine. How will I write to you that you are more beautiful than the God, how your suit is a little different today, how you are looking like a prince on the day of our wedding, how will I tell you that I wish that these ceremonies get over at the earliest so that you can hug me, how will we nurture the future of our kids together – a balanced upbringing. Now “I” will be someone else. Hence I cry. Sweet love, deep love, small fights, big cries – all were us. Never are relationships free of problems, but the people are the solution.  I cannot change my background. You left me for that. I want to do everything, with you as my companion. Hence I cry. Now I do not see you wait for me, bring back that car to pick me up when I could not wish you a Bye , I do not know how to live without your eyes, lips, hugs and your presence. How will I comfort you if you see a bad dream. You are the best and no one can be as good. With or without me, that is a reality that won’t change. My letters will now have a different signature, you will compare moon with someone else, breeze and good weather will remind you of someone you have chosen. No “reached home?”, “where are you?”, “How’s work? “What-are-you-doing?”, neither singing for each other at nights , caring in the least about the lyrics or the tune. Someone else will whisper to you in your ears in the mornings, hold you and you will hold her back, and she won’t be your “Aarti”. Hence I cry. Take care my Grace, my love"

Love Vs Louis Vuitton

Many a times when we discuss the breaking up of trust, the guys are mostly blamed. However, is that so? Have we all not seen guys cry after their girlfriends breach their trust? Yes, we have. I think, this is more to do with the individual personality than gender. I have a little knowledge through an acquaintance

Aman, a friend , is a man devoid of essential elements one considers integral for a boy to ‘grow up’ (euphemism used in public interest). In his case, his Santro worked perfectly well and won many races , beating the BMWs. Overconfident that he would make ‘love’ define life, starts his pursuit to happiness. Lucky he, his sweetheart (named Pavitra by her parents) had some other plans. How well he talked to me about how beautiful she is, how her smile makes his days cheerful, how waiting for her was the best things he has spent time on, how plucking flowers from inaccessible places been the most adventurous activity, how believing in her was the best conviction he had, more than God his faith resided with Pavitra. However, Pavitra chose LV over Love. I, unfortunately, do not have much detail on his story.  Novelty attached in his life was that Pavitra chose a phone call to announce to him about her finding a suitable match. Also, I  know that he very well sang for her Ronan Keating’s “When you say nothing at all” and that is favorite lines were:

“The smile on your face lets me know that you need me

There’s a truth in your eyes saying you’ll never leave me

The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me whenever I fall”

However, he realized that the smiles were deceitful; the truth was never there, hands never held him with care and the love was never what he had thought it to be. Perhaps, he loved a girl that never existed, just like in Aarti’s case it was just the illusion of love.

The End   

Perhaps captioning the section “The End” is the only novelty attached to this article. All mentioned through the stories are profound, has happened either with us or with one of our closest. How much a human heart can love a person, is a matter that is best left placid. The power in a relationship lies with the person who loves ‘less’.   We will have our prejudices.  One person tells me that boys look for girls who are a – available; b – beautiful and girls look for boys who are a – rich; b – richer. This is one formula you can validate or counter based on your own lives.  Clearly in the cases of Aarti and Aman, their partners needed some things better, perhaps even gave in to infidelity to break the two hearts. If I were to opine, I would say that Love should be the chariot of life. ‘Love’ in all senses – for everyone around you.  You should wish well for however bad your partner has done , even if she is an infidel or fooled around with you for some pleasure or better still experimented with you to see if you fit the bill.

The broader question one needs to ask is whether we, as a society, are becoming selfish, disregarding the virtues of love. Have the materialism of luxurious life substituted the regards for one’s care? Are the two antagonists representatives of the society that we have become – not caring for the partner who you spent so much of time with? One year seems good enough for people to take a call that they cannot spend the life with people who they claim to have loved, however, the same people, in a couple of meetings accept to spend the life with a stranger (the net worth of these individuals + that of their dads play an integral role in these “yeses” ) . I wish we live in a world where no girl hurts a guy, sets wrong expectations , plays with the emotions he was to cherish for life, plays with his life that was more hers than his and no girl suggests “move on by living life normally” and then by action gets married to another making mockery of every memory they had. Likewise, nothing is more pure than a girl’s loving heart. There should not be any tears over misunderstanding, no one should curb her smiles, no one should leave her alone. Hope we hold each other’s hands, tightly and with conviction, promising to let the love triumph. In a utopian wish, I hope all true love stories meet the ‘correct’ end.

Special thanks  to: Somya for your inputs, Dhruv for your support, Kanishka for your mockery, Tanvi for the cake, Kritika for your LV vs Love fundamental + your inputs, Gandharv for helping me with the name Aarti and people who have inspired me to write this (both the ‘practical-it-won’t -work’ ones and the ‘love-will-solve-everything’ ones)